I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Randomize
