You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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