allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
