i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
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