what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
