My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
