I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
