that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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