I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
