Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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