you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
