I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
