I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
