TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Randomize
