apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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