You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
