i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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