Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Randomize
