If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
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