Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
