he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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