I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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