How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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