nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Randomize
