no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I'm passing your future prison.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
