Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
