I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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