i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
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