no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
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