she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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