wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
