we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
