I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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