You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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