i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
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