I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
