its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
