Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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