I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
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