Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize