Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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