can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
