Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
