what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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