So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
