I've blown a few things in my day
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I will be naked everywhere
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
