i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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