I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
