Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
