first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize