You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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