oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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