it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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