WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
