oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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