you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Randomize