im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I'm sobbing to NWA
i think we sleep fucked last night...
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
