i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
