I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
