69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
