he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
