think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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