What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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