fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
When are your genitals available?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
