If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
