i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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