Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize