So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Randomize
