Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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