when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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