Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
