Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I'm both gender and math confused
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
