found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Randomize
