Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
you will always have a special place in my vag
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
