You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
