You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
you told grandpa to call you daddy
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Randomize
