I hate all girls vehemently.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
