Cold hands, warm shart.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
