Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
