is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
