My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize