if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
