I didn't shave. On purpose
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
