i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
we're so committed to being not committed
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
