Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Two words: nipple clamps
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