Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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