Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
