yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
